Break-Up Survival Guide
By Rinatta Paries

Losing a loved one is never easy. Even when the loss is your choice, it isn’t easy. Whether a person experiences a break up of a relationship, a death of a loved one, or another powerful loss, there are predictable stages one goes through, predictable feelings one feels.

Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the five classic stages of the coping with grief and loss. According to Kubler-Ross, a person experiencing loss will go through all of the stages, in any order. The five stages are:

Denial
Resentment
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Loss — with its subsequent grieving — is a powerful, transformative time. It is a time to take care of yourself, to let go of the past, and to create a future. Unfortunately, many people get stuck in one of the stages of grief, unable to complete their process and move on.

If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have recently ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I would like to support you in moving through it in an empowering way. I’ve created the following list of suggestions for you to keep handy to help you cope:

Remember that:

You will feel pain
You have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well
You will feel lonely
You are OK and lovable

Accept that:

The relationship is over
Your ex-partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or discount him or her

Focus on:

Yourself
Personal growth
Self-care

Get complete with:

Yourself
Your ex

Own:

The magnificence of who you are
Your part in the relationship break-up

Give yourself time to:

Grieve
Be alone
Recover

Make sure that:

You get touch, either from friends or a body therapist
You have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a friend

Reinvent:

Your community
Yourself
Your future
Your dreams

If you’re experiencing the end of a short-term relationship, consider the following:

Realize that:

The pain you feel is not about your ex-partner, but about your past
If you start healing your past, the pain will subside
Holding on to anger at an ex-partner will keep you attached and in pain

Get complete with:

Your ex-partner
All of your ex-partners
your parents

Give yourself:

Room to grieve
Room to grow

Build for yourself:

A community
Self-esteem
A life that you love

Whether you are ending a long-term or a short-term relationship:

Don’t look for a new relationship until you are done grieving
Trust that when ready you will attract the right partner
Welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve; it’s through self-evolution that you will be able to create the relationship of your dreams

This article courtesy of “Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet(tm)!”

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