Surviving
transgender abuse
October
is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The
following article is part two of a series on the
dynamics of intimate partner violence.
By Hannah Mason
Many of us
don’t think much about our gender, although it affects
us constantly. Imperceptible guidelines dictate what our
bodies look like, what we wear, and how we walk. Along
with those come judgments; we know what a “real man” is,
and we can tell exactly what a “real woman” is.
Transgender
people break away from one or more of society’s
expectations around gender — expectations that insist
that everyone is either male or female, that one’s
gender is fixed, that gender is rooted in our biological
sex, and that our behaviors are linked to our gender.
What about those whose gender identity does not fit
neatly into traditionally and narrowly defined gender
roles?
Society has a
concrete way of dealing with people who deviate from
these expectations. It attempts to force them back into
place, to keep them in the “man” box or the “woman” box.
Many transgender people deal with shame and self-doubt
in confronting the pressures to conform. In addition,
stories of brutal violence against transgender people
are common. The fear that a transgendered person feels
upon being “outed” to the wider community is directly
linked to the stories of those who have had the
experience with devastating results.
Imagine,
then, that through this continuing atmosphere of
violence, a transgendered person finds someone they
truly love. Or maybe they already have a relationship
with someone when they begin discovering that they feel
that their prescribed gender may not be fully
representative of who they really are. How do you
attempt to leave your partner if society is constantly
telling you that they may be the last person who will
love you?
Many
survivors of intimate partner violence experience
self-doubt, a wish to help their batterer and protect
children, a belief that the abuse they currently
experience might be better than potential future abuse,
lack of financial resources, and a sense that there is
no where to turn. For people who do not conform to
traditional gender roles, these feelings are often
magnified by the experiences they have had with society
forcing them to conform.
Because of
society’s lack of knowledge about transgender people,
and a general “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude,
batterers use tactics that play off of this cultural
discrimination. The threat of “outing” someone can carry
with it the risk of losing a job, alienating family, or
being denied medical access.
Transgender
people who attempt to leave a relationship and stay in a
hotel may be denied public accommodation, or be asked to
leave a restaurant where they try to get something to
eat. The batterer is often knowledgeable of all of these
facts and is quick to remind the survivor of them.
In our
efforts to support them, we need to take steps that do
not create additional hazards for trans survivors and
revictimize them as they are able to finally leave.
Education, understanding, and speaking up against both
relationship and discrimination violence opens options
for us all. Since society already plays a role in
supporting the batterer, every step that we as a
community can take to help survivors is critical.
There are
things we can all do to help transgendered survivors of
domestic violence:
-
Check out
the Survivor Project (www.survivorproject.org/) or
GenderCrash (www.gendercrash.com/101.shtml). Find out
more about the specific differences between
transsexual, transgender, cross-dresser, and other
gender-variant people.
-
Call
legislators to support H.478, which proposes that
“gender identity and expression” be added to the current
discrimination law, making it illegal to discriminate
against transgender people in the workplace and in
public accommodations.
-
Attend the
Transgender Day of Remembrance Speakout on Nov. 19.
Contact Hannah@SafeSpaceVT.org for more information.
-
If you or
someone you know is experiencing domestic or sexual
violence, contact SafeSpace Vermont at 866-869-7341 or
the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
at 800-ABUSE-95.
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