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We'd
like to talk to you about something
important that has to do with your Aunt
Denise. One time you asked me if girls were
always girls and boys were always boys, and
I told you that usually girls were born
looking and feeling like girls inside, and
boys were born looking and feeling like
boys. But, for some people, they are born
looking like a boy and feeling like a girl,
or looking like girl and feeling like a boy
inside. That is what happened when your Aunt
Denise was born. She looked like a girl, but
from the time she was very little has always
felt like a boy. She has felt like that her
whole life. When someone is born like that,
it gets harder and harder for them as they
grow up to look one way but feel a different
way on the inside. They do not feel happy
inside because of it. It's not
their fault this happened. It happens
because of a mistake that happened while the
baby was in the mommy's tummy. Aunt Denise
should have been born with a boy's body but
because of the mistake she ended up with a
girls body. There are doctors that know all
about people like your Aunt Denise and they
can help them feel better about themselves.
One way they do this is with special
medicine. This medicine helps them look more
like a boy to match how they feel on the
inside. Aunt Denise does not and will not
change on the inside. She is still the same
funny, loving person that we all know and
love. Just the way she looks will change.
After she has taken this medicine for a
while, she might get some whiskers like
Daddy and she won't shave the hair on her
legs or under her arms any more like Mommy
does. She will start to look more and more
like a boy.
The most
important thing to remember is that she will
still be the same person. She will just look
a little different, Everyone will start to
see Denise as a boy instead of a girl. She
will even need to use a different name she
will need and want to be called Danny. Since
Denise is a girls name, she needed a new
name to match the way she looks on the
outside. It's going to take practice for
every one to remember to call her Danny
instead of Denise. Sometimes we will slip
and say the other name. But, that's OK, we
can just remind each other.
Everyone
in our family know about the changes that
Aunt Denise will be going through- Aunt
Michelle, Uncle Joe, Gina, Grandma Bea, Nina
Aunt Betty, Joey and Maria, Grandma Mary and
Grandpa Paul, Aunt Susie, Aunt Linda, Aunt
Phyllis, and Uncle Guy. Everyone needs time
to get used to this change, but everyone
loves Aunt Denise very much and wants her to
be happy. It's OK to talk to people in our
family about it we are all here to listen
and answer questions any time you need to
talk. But people who don't know Aunt Denise
and who are not in our family might not
understand what she is going through.
Because what happened to Aunt Denise does
not happen to very many people in the world,
they might not be able to understand it, so
we don't need to explain it to other people
outside our family. We can just "my Uncle
Danny" or "my Brother Danny." We don't have
to say Danny used to be called Denise. This
is one of those things that is private. It
is Denise's private business, so we will not
telling other people at this time. Also,
this is not something that will ever happen
to me or you or Daddy or Gina. It happens
before a baby is even born. You and I and
Gina are girls on the inside and outside,
and Daddy is boy on the inside and outside
and that will never change. Remember that
Aunt Denise is still the same person she has
always been. She will just start looking
more like a boy. Her voice will get deeper
and she will be called by a different name.
She will still be the same person she is
now. Her heart is still the same and she
will love in the same way she does now.
The next
year consisted at work of me doing
everything I could to make myself as
desirable and indispensable as possible to
which I had reasonable success. I decided
after a little over a year at the
conservative bank I work for that October 4
would be the beginning of life for me. I
wanted to inform my employers one month in
advance to explain my situation, dispell
their fears and/or misconceptions about
transsexuals and give them some time to
formulate a logistical strategy that would
allow me to assimilate into their workplace
at a minimum distraction.
On September
4, I sat down with my supervisor and spent
approximately 45 minutes telling him of my
gender dilemma, and it was somewhere
tempered between pouring my heart out to
this man and at the same time, maintaining a
degree of professionalism with him. This was
well-received to the point that my
supervisor concurred that, given these
circumstances, beginning my transition was
indeed in the best interest of myself as
well as my family and also, my employer.
At this
point, I had already drafted a formal letter
disclosing my condition and my intentions to
correct this condition. I also showed him
pictures of Joanne to assure him that I
would be presenting myself in a feminine but
professional manner. I didn't want him to
think I'd be wearing sequined evening gowns
or feather boas to work or that my
appearance would cause a distraction.
This meeting
started a chain reaction of meetings between
my boss and his boss, and that boss' boss.
who happens to be the vice president of that
division in our company. A few days later, I
met with the vice president, with my
supervisor present, where they informed me
that as long as I could make this transition
without major disruption to their workplace,
they would be fully supportive. At this
time, the vice president expressed an
interest to know more about transsexualism
so, two days later, I submitted excerpts of
reading material that I found very
informative, and after reading it, all the
supervisors agreed.
After a
couple more meetings with them in the
following weeks, though, they were seeming
to me to be quite non-committal about my
support. They did not want to inform the
other employees, but said I could tell those
in my department. They also said for me to
make my own decision as to which restroom I
would use. I said, in the spirit of not
causing a distraction in their workplace,
going to the woman's restroom made the most
sense.
Then, four
days before my journey was about to begin, a
wonderful and unexpected thing happened. I
was called into the vice president's office
again, and this time, not only was my boss
present but his as well. What did they want
to tell me? They called me in to say that
news of my transition had spread rampantly
throughout the company, and that they had
received substantial negative feedback from
female co-workers who were uncomfortable
with the thought of me using their
restroom(s).
I had
originally, in my first meeting with the
vice president, proposed that they allow me
to use one of the four ladies rooms in the
facility. I then proposed that they inform
female workers of this so that if a woman
was uncomfortable with the prospect of me
being in the ladies room at the same time
with her, she could use one of the other
three ladies rooms. Initially, they
dismissed that during their non-committal
phase.
In this most
recent meeting, they informed me that they
were going to install a deadbolt lock on one
of the ladies room doors, and that they
would, in fact, brief the entire company,
department by department about me and
bathroom protocol. If a woman wanted to use
the restroom I was allowed to use and did
not want me in there with her, she could
simply lock the door. I would also lock the
door behind me when using the restroom. They
also wanted to relocate my seat to an area
in my department with less visibility and
less foot traffic to lessen possible
distraction. I was agreeable to this, and to
be honest, after researching this on my own
and talking with others, I had concluded
that I would have very little in the way of
rights so I would have been agreeable to
just about anything. Then came the big day.
After
getting up extra early October 4, I took my
time getting ready so that I might blend in
with the masses at work. I had a relaxing
breakfast, and then it was time to go into
the great unknown. I did two things that, in
retrospect, I'm extremely glad that I did to
prepare for that morning. One, I made a tape
of music to get me in the mood and keep me
relaxed. Two, I left extra early for work.
That allowed for a relaxing and pleasant
drive to work, while arriving early allowed
me to get settled in before everyone else
arrived. Also, it was less stressful,
because I didn't have the parade through the
gauntlet of co-workers. In other words, I
didn't come to them, they would have to come
to me.
Unknown to
me at the time, during employee briefings
that morning, the company had taken a great
stance to protect me by somewhat
heavy-handedly informing employees that they
would have a no tolerance policy in regards
to harassment of me or any related
distraction in their workplace. Therefore,
my arrival was pretty inconsequential.
People were polite and friendly across the
board, but it took a little time for me to
get comfortable in my new skin.
After about
two hours, I was still a little panicky and
unsettled. I had made an error in logic; you
see my job requires me to talk on the phone
at a collections office to nearly 300
customers per day. Logic and experience had
told me that the telephone was very
androgynous which would bode well for me.
Plus, I thought that my female voice was
fairly passible. The problem was that, one,
I was trying too hard because I wasn't
relaxed so I didn't sound as convincing as
usual. Everyone was calling me sir!
It was
really upsetting me, but then I had two
revelations that saved me. I guess you say
it nothing more than an attitude adjustment.
I thought to myself "This is not the worst
day of your life, sweetie. In fact, it's one
of the best! You've been waiting nearly your
whole life for this day so why don't act
like it!". Then I thought, if the phone is
indeed androgynous, and I may call a woman
sir by accident, it only makes sense that
they may make the same mistake with me, in
fact, they would be more likely to call me
sir. After all, I wasn't born a woman, plus
I have a deep voice.
In the best
case scenario, I would be a woman with a
rather husky voice. So it didn't make any
sense to take being called sir personally. I
didn't need to feel defensive about this.
Voila! It was a wonderful recognition to
make, and my day changed immediately. All of
the sudden, I was in a great frame of mind.
I was comfortable with myself, I was
relaxed, I sounded better and when a
customer called me sir, I didn't take it
personally, I simply corrected them which
seemed to cause the customer great
embarrassment. I actually thought that was
extremely funny. It, in a way, was
empowering. Now they were rattled, not me!
The rest of the day continued smoothly, and
my production was better than it had ever
been.
You see, the
key to what I do is to be able to control a
conversation, whether it's good or bad
feedback from the customer. If I am more
comfortable with myself, then I am more
confident. If I am more confident, then I
become more assertive. If I am more
assertive, then I can more effectively
control a conversation. As a result, I am
the most productive person in my department
now. I was above average before the
transition, but now I had taken it to a new
level. As far as work was concerned, this
would work out well because they had lost a
good worker and gotten a great worker in
exchange.
It has now
been two months since the beginning of this
journey-journey is so cliche-and things have
continued smoothly for me. They have now
given me my new nameplate, workers who
weren't comfortable calling me Joanne at
first are now. No one calls me John except
for a rare slip-up, and these co-workers are
telling me now how much more natural I seem
and how much more comfortable with myself
and how happy I am.
Even things
at home are great. Kim is getting more
comfortable every day calling me Joanne, and
Mackenzie, as expected is completely
unphased. She calls me Pippi instead of
daddy and has not called me daddy once since
the transition started. Why Pippi you ask?
My last name is Pippin, and as a young boy,
I had orange hair and freckles. As a result,
any of the neighborhood kids that wanted to
get under my skin would call me Pippi
Longstocking. I hated that name because
little did they know that I was already
struggling with my gender identity. Being
called that name only made me
ultra-sensitive and reminded me of what I
already didn't know how to handle. Now that
name comes full circle, and the same name
that caused me all that pain is the source
of joy and healing. I know it's sappy, but
it kinda makes sense, doesn't it?
To conclude
this long-winded soliloquy, it's still early
into transition, but I'm quite grateful for
all the support and acceptance I have
gotten. The best part however, is that now I
have the acceptance of the most important
person in all this...me! Everyone wants to
be accepted and liked, but I have indeed
found liberation of self. I accept and love
myself and therefore, while it's nice to
have, I do not require or depend on the
acceptance of others. That is a gift that I
will always treasure, and I suspect that the
result of this for those who are actively a
part of my life is that they will have a
happier and better neighbor, co-worker,
friend, relative and spouse. Thanks to all
those in my corner, and to all of you who
haven't reached this point in your life yet,
hang in there and try to have hope. If you
still have hope then you still have a chance
for happiness. |
